What is IFS (Internal Family Systems)?

IFS is a framework that a therapist uses to understand client issues and provide help.

The founder of IFS therapy thought of the mind as an inner family and began applying techniques to individuals that he usually used with families.

This is How I Explain IFS to Clients as a Registered Clinical Counsellor:

Have you ever experienced more than one conflicting thought?
“I want to go out with my friends tonight, but I also want to stay in and have some quiet time.”

Sometimes our thoughts and feelings can be chaotic and confusing when they pull us in opposing directions. I use IFS to untangle the web and help clients better understand their inner world.

The way I describe this style of therapy is that it’s a shared language between us where we turn your inner world into a story with characters who have thoughts, feelings, beliefs, needs, values, and personalities.

Why would we turn your inner world into a story?

Humans LOVE stories with characters. We relate to them. And that’s what I want to encourage. I want you to relate deeply with your inner world in a new way that you can take with you even when I’m not there. It’s also a great way to organize your thoughts.

This style of therapy is also called “parts work” because in IFS we use the terms part/parts instead of characters: “a part of you feels this, and a part of you feels this.”

For the sake of this description, I’m going to use the wording of character/characters to keep with the analogy of a story.

If we try this out on the example above it sounds like this:
One character wants to go out with friends, and one character wants to stay in and have some quiet time.

Now imagine this is a story about two friends arguing about what to do tonight. I bet you’d be feeling quite curious at this point. Why does one person want to go out? Why does the other person want to stay in? What context do you need to know about each person to understand the importance of their position?

If the friend who wants to go out says, “If I don’t go out then my friends will think I’m boring and not very fun, or worse… they might think I don’t like them if I say no.”
I imagine you would feel empathy and compassion towards them and their fears.

If the other friend who wants to stay in says, “I’m already burnt out socially and craving some time to recharge, because if I don’t take this time I’m afraid I won’t have much to offer socially the next time I go out, and then I’ll judge myself for being ‘off’ around my friends.”
I imagine you would feel empathy and compassion towards their fears and concerns too.

You might even be feeling more curiosity too. Why does the first person fear being thought of as boring? What’s the story there? Why does the second person worry about judging themself? What’s the story there? Why did they use the word “off”? Is there any significance to that? Have others been judgemental of them for being “off” and said this to them before?

Hopefully you’re starting to see how this style of therapy works. The client went from having two conflicting thoughts. Now we know why. They are worrying about different things that are equally important (belonging and self-esteem) and might have more in common than it initially seems.

So if these were your conflicting thoughts, you may have started the session feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or hopeless, to give a few examples. Now you’re feeling curious and calmer. You’ve gained some clarity which helps you feel more encouraged to keep going. And you’re feeling compassionate instead of annoyed at yourself. Your emotional state has shifted, you’re in a learning mode, you’ve related to yourself differently, and you’re eager to keep up the habit.

To summarize,
This style of therapy helps clients experience clarity, understanding, curiosity, kindness, and compassion towards themselves. And it provides them a tool to use between sessions. I help clients start to practice viewing internal challenges in this way and they can continue to practice it outside of session too.

With the support of IFS I’ve seen clients:

• Develop a deeper understanding and patience for their triggers.
• Watch the intensity and frequency of their triggers decrease.
• Learn about how their past impacts the present.
• Give themselves more grace.
• Experience more self-acceptance.
• Celebrate patterns changing.
• Use what they’ve learned with IFS to better understand their loved ones.
• And more!